He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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