I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
