Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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