his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
