Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
