you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
