Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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