what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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