If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have fence marks all over my body
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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