dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
