it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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