Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
