Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
