last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
