WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize