I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
