Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
