Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
