Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
