she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
