I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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