Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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