he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
