I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
