What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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