i would punch a child for taco bell
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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