I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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