capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
