I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
