went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
