I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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