one two three fourrrrnication!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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