WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
