I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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