I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
