my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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