Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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