I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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