Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
