I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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