Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
