Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
