Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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