so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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