I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
