Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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