after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
