if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
