you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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