is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
