Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
