So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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