you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
