You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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