i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
