He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
