Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
