I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
