I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
