Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
