I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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