i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
