My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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