Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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