Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
