are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
