i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize