If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize