He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
