your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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