i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
