This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
