She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
