Yo dont text me then not text me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
