Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
