Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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